Creamy Cauliflower Soup + Eating to Soothe

Happy Friday, friends! Today I have a creamy cauliflower soup recipe for you that gets topped with a crunchy almond, caper and currant topping. It’s easy but elegant, and it would be a gorgeous first course for a holiday meal. For me, however, it’s an even better weeknight dinner, especially when paired with a buttery grilled cheese for dunking. It’s a simple soup that I turn to when I’m in need of soothing. 

Soothing vs numbing

Food can be a powerful tool to soothe our bodies and emotions, but soothing isn’t the same thing as numbing. To soothe is to “bring comfort, solace, or reassurance” while to numb is to “impair sensations” or “deaden” (Mirriam-Webster). Soothing takes consciousness and presence, while numbing is almost the opposite—it’s a lack of presence. 

In my podcast episode this week with Abigail Rose Clarke, she stated, “Almost anything can be healing, and almost anything can be an escape.” Similarly, any food can be soothing, and any food can be numbing. It doesn’t matter if it’s the exact same bowl of soup, or bag of chips, or bowl of ice cream. It’s not about what we eat, but how we eat.

Escape (through numbing)

When we eat (or drink) to numb, we do so to escape from our feelings. Often this is done unconsciously—and by the way, we all do this from time to time. When our emotions are heightened—perhaps we’re anxious, or sad, or worried, or angry—we use the momentary pleasure of food or alcohol to distract us. And the truth is that sometimes this can be an effective way of dealing with hard situations. There have been countless times that I’ve poured myself a glass of wine because I’m having a shit of a day; that’s okay! However, I’ve found that when I consistently turn to wine to assuage tough days, or when I try to eat away the sadness or anxiety that’s heavy on my shoulders, the emotions inevitably resurface, twisted and often magnified. This can be compounded if we experience any sensations of guilt after eating, which only leads to more stress or anxiety. It then turns into a cycle of control versus escape. 

Nurture (through soothing)

When we eat to soothe, on the other hand, we eat to nurture our emotions. This requires us to pause and to get curious. We have to first acknowledge what we’re feeling by tuning into our bodies. Instead of running away from our feelings, we instead invite them to the table (or couch, or wherever we choose to eat), feeding ourselves gently. We allow the emotions to be present instead of shoving them away.

Soothing ourselves requires presence, which isn’t always easy. Last week I was irritated and anxious but didn’t know why (which I described here). I found myself barking at my family, short tempered and impatient. It wasn’t until I stopped to pause (I literally went up to my room) and felt into my body, that I realized that I was actually sad. My irritability was a form of self protection. Only when I could see the sadness that was influencing my behavior could I then begin to soothe it (because there was no soothing my irritability). 

Soothing isn’t about controlling our bodies or emotions, but about giving ourselves what we authentically need, in this moment and with these emotions, without judgement (untangling from our conditioning around food). That day when sadness was heavy on my heart, I warmed up chocolate chip cookies after dinner. While eating cookies isn’t out of the ordinary, that night I ate them slowly, with an intention to soothe. I dipped them in a glass of cold milk, relishing the collapse of the buttery crumb on my tongue. It was a moment of pure comfort and love—a hug to myself. It didn’t make the sadness go away, but it smoothed out the edges, bringing me a bit of joy even while still feeling sad.

Soothing ourselves gives us more agency

By learning to consciously soothe ourselves, we gain more agency in our lives. We stop fearing or running away from our emotions but rather can begin to process them in ways that are authentically nurturing. Of course, there are a million ways that we can soothe ourselves that don’t involve food, from taking a bath, to going for a walk, to bundling up in a blanket on the couch, to meditating, to basking in a sunny spot by a window. Food is just one tool of many. But we all need to eat, so food is a great place to start.

By caring for ourselves in the same way that we care for the people we love, we soften toward our bodies and grow in compassion. I think this is especially important right now. While soothing ourselves won’t solve the world’s problems, it can help us find our center, bringing us back into balance so that we can confront the issues we face with more strength, clarity and compassion. As Abigail so eloquently said in a recent Instagram post:

It’s challenging to stay open to the world. It makes sense to want to numb out and turn away. But anchoring to our own humanity is essential when there is so much inhumanity, and that is very difficult without returning home to our own bodies and the earth we’re made of.

Invitation this week

Just like anything else in life, the more we practice soothing ourselves, the easier it becomes. I’ve found that an effective way of doing this is by soothing myself when I feel neutral—when my emotions aren’t in a heightened state. The simple act of preparing a sandwich for lunch, or drinking a hot cup of tea, or relishing a slice of cake, can be immensely comforting if I do it with care and consciousness.

This week, my invitation is to soothe yourself. Take a moment or two to tune into your body and nurture yourself in whatever way feels comforting and replenishing to you. There is no right or wrong way to do this, but it does require consciousness. Be completely present. Care for yourself, with love and grace. 

Related essays:

• Being in Relationship to Food & Our Bodies (Podcast) with Abigail Rose Clarke

• Emotional Nourishment

• Embracing Contrasts

• Intentional Cooking & Eating

My Mastering Gluten-Free Pie Making class is on sale through November 3rd. In the class you’ll master gluten-free (or regular) pie dough, learn foolproof pie-making techniques, discover new exclusive recipes, and find the joy in making pies from scratch. You can take the class at your own rate and in your own time (and p.s. you can knock out all your holiday pie crusts now 😊).

Creamy Cauliflower Soup

This creamy cauliflower soup is rich and creamy, but not at all heavy. It feels like a cashmere sweater—a silky, soothing embrace. It’s made with just leeks, garlic, cauliflower and milk. A topping of caramelized cauliflower florets, crunchy toasted almonds, sweet currants and salty capers provides levity and texture. If I’m feeling opulent I’ll also drizzle the soup with a bit of truffle oil. It’s soothing yet elegant, cozy yet uplifting—the kind of thing you can serve for a special occasion or curl up with on the couch.

Recipe tips: 

• You’ll need a large cauliflower for this recipe—aim for 2 pounds. 

• If you can’t find dried currants you can use chopped raisins instead. 

• A touch of lemon juice and freshly grated nutmeg brightens up the soup and lends dimension.