Pumpkin Cheesecake Brownies + Embracing Contrasts
Happy Friday, friends! These Pumpkin Cheesecake Brownies are completely insane, in the best kind of way. They feature a rich and fudgy brownie base with a creamy, pumpkin cheesecake topping. The tender and chewy chocolate brownie contrasts with the light and silky pumpkin-spiced topping, but together they create delicious balance. The brownies are a lesson in contrasts.
Contrasts make life interesting. They teach us about what we like and (most importantly) what we don’t. While it might feel like contrasts oppose each other, in reality they’re essential for creating the whole. We can’t have light without dark. There’d be no happiness if there wasn’t also sadness. We’d never know we were cold unless we also had experienced heat. These aren’t binaries, but are points on a spectrum, with a whole lot of gray area in between.
As I mentioned in this newsletter about joy, sometimes it feels like this newsletter is writing me as much as I’m writing it. I had already drafted this newsletter when I woke up on Tuesday this week at 3:30am riddled with anxiety. I felt untethered, ungrounded, sad and unaccountably stressed. While I think that some of this was my body internalizing the chaos in our world right now, there was also something deeply personal there. I was out of sorts—irritated and on the verge of tears but I didn’t know why. After some excavating (with the support of my weekly group led by Natalie Deeb), I realized that I was coming up against a crusty layer of self doubt and unworthiness, the kind that leaves me asking what I’m doing all this for, and if any of it matters. If I matter.
Embracing the dark (and the light)
This feeling of unworthiness is an element of my shadow that I’ve unearthed before (I thought I healed you already!), but it occasionally reappears, each time a bit deeper and closer to my heart. I’ve found that instead of running away from those feelings—from the dark areas of myself that I’d rather not look at—it’s safe to go into them, with compassion. In doing so, eventually they will start to dissolve, like sugar falling through a sieve. Crying helps, as does group work, therapy and meditation.
When I got home on Tuesday afternoon James and I took a walk. I shared my experience of the day, and it ended up that he was going through something similar. He said, “It’s so hard, but there’s also this.” He pointed to the golden sunlight streaming through the trees, dappling the forest floor, and the leaves that were slowly dancing around us. It was breathtaking. In going so deep that day—each of us in our own way—the beauty around us was much more poignant. I felt everything in that moment—the full spectrum of pain and love and darkness and beauty and magic. “This is it,” I thought. “This is the human experience. This is why we’re here.”
Contrasts are essential for balance
Not only do contrasts make our lives more interesting and dynamic, nature also teaches us that contrasts are critical for balance. As Liz Carlisle explains in this podcast episode, the soil is at its healthiest when it’s brimming with biodiversity. All of the microorganisms have different functions but together create balance and health.
As humans, we are a reflection of the diversity in nature, both within our own bodies and within the human body at large. When we celebrate and encourage this diversity instead of using it to instill divisiveness and fear, we find cohesiveness and balance instead of chaos.
Embracing contrasts
As I’ve opened to the contrasts in my life—the good and the bad, the easy and the challenging, the beautiful and the turbid—it feels like the spectrum of who I am has become larger, more colorful and more dynamic. The deeper I go into the darkness, the higher I’m able to climb into the light. While this isn’t easy work—it takes courage to look at the stuff in my life I’d rather not see—the result is a lessening of fear, a release of perfectionism, and a much deeper ownership of who I am, without the heavy weights of anxiety, self doubt, shame and guilt.
In the kitchen
Like in life, contrasts are essential in cooking—without contrasting flavors and textures our meals would be one-note and dull. The salty balances the sweet; the creamy takes the edge off the crunchy; the acidic uplifts the earthy. While it might seem like those contrasts oppose each other, in reality they create something deliciously cohesive.
These pumpkin cheesecake brownies are an illustration of contrasts. The fudgy brownie base has a rich chocolate flavor that’s elevated (rather than muted) by the creamy pumpkin spiced cheesecake swirl. Together they create a balanced dessert that’s way more than the sum of its parts.
Invitation this week
When we embrace contrasts in the kitchen and within our lives, we find more depth and balance. Our lives become richer and more flavorful, and we stop fearing the hard stuff, knowing that it’s part of the larger balance. Even more, in letting go of fear and shame, we allow the full spectrum of who we are to shine. When we do this for ourselves, we do it for all of humanity. As we shine brighter, we encourage those around us to do so as well, lighting up the vast and colorful mosaic of humankind.
Related essays:
Other news
In honor of autumn, which is my favorite season for baking, I’m currently offering a 20% discount on my class, Mastering Gluten Free Pie Making. If you’re interested in learning how to make foolproof pies (that nobody will know are GF) and discover the joy in pie baking, I’d love to see you there. ❤️
Pumpkin cheesecake brownies
Perhaps you can start embracing the contrasts in your life with a batch of these pumpkin cheesecake brownies. When I finally nailed the recipe after several rounds of testing the only words I could speak were “holy sh$#.” They’re made up of two different batters—the tender brownie base (which you might recognize from this Grain-Free Brownie Recipe) and a luscious pumpkin cheesecake made with cream cheese and canned pumpkin. They’d be perfect for Halloween celebrations or for holiday spreads, but I hope you won’t wait that long to make them.
Watch how the recipe comes together in this video:
Recipe tips:
Be sure to let the cream cheese come to room temperature before starting.
You can use a chocolate with anywhere from 55-70 percent cocoa content, but I recommend something around 55-60 percent for the best balance of flavor.
This recipe was tested using a metal pan. If you use a glass pan check the brownies a few minutes early.
I know I’ve said it a million times, but an inexpensive kitchen scale is a game changer. It’s much more accurate (especially for gluten free flours) and easier too!
To get that swirled affect, spread two-thirds of the brownie batter in the bottom of the pan, add the cheesecake layer, then dollop the remaining brownie batter over top. Using a toothpick, swirl the brownie batter into the cheesecake. It’s okay if it looks a bit stodgy before baking—once baked the brownies will look great.
It’s important to let the brownies cool completely before you cut them—the flavor and texture improve considerably once they’re cooled.
You can download a PDF of the full recipe here (I’ve also included text and JPEG versions of the recipe below):
Wishing you a wonderful weekend, and remember to nourish yourself with intention and love.
xo, Nicki
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More brownie recipes:
Pumpkin Cheesecake Brownies
Makes: 12-16 brownies | Prep time: 40 minutes | Cooking time: 45 minutes
Brownie batter
Cooking spray or oil, for pan
6 ounces (170g) dark chocolate chips or chopped dark chocolate (*see the Tips below)
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into pieces
1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt
2/3 cup (130g) organic cane sugar (or regular granulated sugar)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups (138g) almond flour
2 tablespoons (20g) arrowroot flour (or cornstarch)
2 large eggs
Pumpkin cheesecake batter
8 ounces (227g) cream cheese, at room temperature
1/2 cup (118 g) canned pumpkin
1/2 cup (100g) organic cane sugar (or regular granulated sugar)
2 tablespoons (20g) arrowroot flour (or cornstarch)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon pumpkin spice
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon fine sea salt
1 large egg
Preheat the oven to 350˚F (175˚C). Spritz an 8-inch square pan with cooking spray or rub it with oil. Line the pan crosswise with a piece of parchment paper, leaving an overhang (this will make it easy to remove the brownies once they’re baked).
Make the brownie batter
Melt the chocolate and butter in a large stainless steel or glass bowl set over a pot of barely simmering water (the bottom of the bowl shouldn’t touch the water). Once the mixture is silky smooth and warm, remove the bowl from the heat. Stir in the salt, sugar and vanilla extract. Let the chocolate cool until it’s lukewarm.
In a bowl, whisk together the almond flour and arrowroot flour.
Whisk the eggs into the chocolate mixture, one at a time. Add the almond flour mixture and stir until well combined; the batter will be quite thick (there’s no need to be gentle here—stir with oomph).
Make the pumpkin cheesecake batter
Using hand beaters, beat the cream cheese in a large bowl until smooth. Add the pumpkin, sugar, arrowroot flour, vanilla, pumpkin spice, cinnamon and salt. Beat until smooth. Add the egg and blend until incorporated.
Assemble and bake
Spread 2/3 of the brownie batter into the prepared pan and spread it in an even layer. Spread the cheesecake batter evenly over the brownie base. Dollop the remaining brownie batter over top, then use a small, thin knife to swirl the brownie batter into the cheesecake—the brownie batter is quite thick so it will be a bit hard to swirl, but just do your best (it will look great when it’s baked).
Bake the brownies until the top is set and light golden in spots, about 45 minutes. Let the brownies cool in the pan on a rack for 10 minutes, then use the parchment handles to transfer them to a rack. Let them cool completely (this is important). Cut the brownies into squares and serve.
Do Ahead: The brownies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 1 day or refrigerated for up to 3 days. At room temperature the brownies will be tender and creamy, and if chilled they will be richer and denser. Both are delicious.
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